I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's
underwear when
he's on the toilet.
The garbage collector is NOT stealing
our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand
straight up when I'm
lying under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the
fridge.
I must shake the rainwater out of my
fur BEFORE
entering the house.
I will not drop soggy tennis balls in
the underwear of someone
who is sitting on the toilet.
I will not roll my head around in
other animals' poop.
I will not eat the cats' food, before
or after they eat it.
I will stop trying to find the few
remaining pieces of
clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
I will not throw up in the
car.
I will not roll on dead birds,
seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
I will not lick my human's face after
eating animal poop.
"Kitty box crunchies" are not
food.
I will not eat any more socks and
then redeposit them in
the backyard after processing.
The diaper pail is not a cookie
jar.
I will not wake Mommy up by sticking
my cold, wet nose
up her bottom end.
I will not chew my human's toothbrush
and not tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens,
especially not the red
ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
When in the car, I will not insist on
having the window
rolled down when it's raining outside.
We do not have a doorbell. I will not
bark each time I
hear one on TV.
I will not steal my Mom's underwear
and dance all over
the backyard with it.
The sofa is not a face towel. Neither
are Mom & Dad's
laps.
My head does not belong in the
refrigerator, dishwasher
or trashcan.
I will not bite the officer's hand
when he reaches in for
Mom's driver's license and car registration.
I will not spend more than 5 minutes
trying to find the
"perfect" place to poop.
I will not eat other animals'
poop.
I will not take off while on leash to
chase squirrels while
Mommy is standing on a slippery grass slope.
